I went to the city today. Walked around ground zero. Strange, I've lived in NY my whole life and this was the first time I've been there in the seven years since it happened.
On that day it was like a third world country - infrastructure collapsing, people fleeing in fear, no telling where your loved ones were or even if they were still alive, no public transportation, phone lines were overloaded, people were in a panic.
After a few weeks they were still digging through the destruction 24 hours a day with hundreds of volunteers and workers going in and out. Even after working 10, 12, 15 hour shifts, people had to be dragged away to get rest and let others help.
After a few months only the professionals were left digging through the rubble but people all over the country, all over the world were still watching the news more than they watched anything else on TV.
After a year, we stopped for a few moments that day, spent the day watching the news, and attended memorial ceremonies.
Today, after seven years, the mood was just a bit different. I noticed it from the moment I got on the bus to the city. Everyone was a bit more still, a bit quieter, a sadder look on their faces.
Then I rode the subway downtown. The subway a bit more empty.
I got to ground zero. Everyone walked a bit slower, a bit more sadness on their faces, a bit more polite, a bit more patient, a bit nicer. Everyone remembered what had happened but it was clearly a world away.
It would be nice if we could treat each other this way everyday.
Never forget.
September 11, 2008
September 1, 2008
Wrestlemania 2008... PART II (OR the Presidential Election from McCain's War Room)
SCENE II - McCAIN'S WAR ROOM
DATE - Thursday, August 28, 2008
LOCATION - One of McCain's 7, no wait only 5... no... 7, yes, yes, definitely 7 houses.
Can you imagine how often he must lose his keys with so many to keep track
of?
CAST
JOHN McCAIN - The only Republican Nominee this year who was so plain that no one had
any real complaints about him. He's not Mormon, he's not a Baptist
Minister who made a statement that could be twisted into "he doesn't
believe in evolution!" he's not as radical and apparently psychotic as
Ron Paul, and he started his campaign before the nomination was already
decided (way to eliminate yourself from the running Mayor Guiliani! Well
done!).
CINDY HENSLEY McCAIN - Or as John calls her, The Hotness or Her Hotness or Your
Hotness.. depending on who he is addressing and in what
context.... and depending on whether he is still awake at the
moment.
ROBERTA McCAIN - John McCain's mother who is still spry at the tender age of 96. Come
on now, with a family history like that, there's no chance he will die
in office when he's ONLY 72 now.
GEORGE W. BUSH - "The Professor of Strategery"
DICK CHENEY - "The Puppet Master." He WOULD have been there except that he had to be in
a nearby surveillance van to feed Georgy boy his lines and help him
control his bowels. He attended by earpiece.
HILLARY CLINTON - Glad to see she's been as supportive of Obama as she said she'd be.
What a trooper.
BILL CLINTON - The man who started the Clinton Initiative. Contrary to rumor, that is
NOT about trying to score a different intern in every country on earth.
JOHN McCAIN - So what should we do here? Who should I pick as a running mate? That Barack is so pretty and popular, and I'm so... not. How do we counter that?
CINDY - Oh baby, you're handsome, you're popular, don't get so down on yourself. We have to keep reminding people that you're a hero and take their focus away from how decrepit you are. Here honey, use a tissue and dust yourself off, you're getting cobwebs again.
ROBERTA - Where's my pudding? John, did you eat all my pudding again?! And stop finishing the Metamucil, I need that or I get backed up like the Cross Bronx on a 3-day weekend!
CHENEY (whispering in Georgy's earpiece) - Tell them to choose me as the VP. Hopefully he'll do a better job of dying in office than you did and I can officially make this the United States of Halliburton!
BUSH - You want me to die in office?
CHENEY - You idiot! I told you not to talk to me directly when I'm feeding you lines!
BUSH - Oh right... hey John, why don't you use my VP, old Dicky. He's got the experience and he would make you look younger!
JOHN - Oh please, like I need to be called GWB II yet again. Isn't your approval rating down to single digits these days? Shouldn't you be asking Cheney how to make Halliburton more money? I want to be as far away from you as possible. I'm NOT taking Cheney as my Vice, he's liable to try to kill me in office anyway!
CHENEY - BLASPHEMY!
BUSH - BLASPHEMY!... But yeah, my boss says I gotta go now, we have a Halliburton board meeting soon.
HILLARY - Listen crypt keeper, you BETTER win this election so I can run for President again in 2012! I already have offices set up for the campaign and I can't run against an incumbent Obama! DON'T SCREW THIS UP POPS!
BILL - Hey, maybe you should select Hillary as your running mate. If you get me and Hillary behind you, you'll win by a landslide. All her supporters are bitter and pissed off at Barack... and besides, I want back in the White House for some new interns.
CINDY - Why are you even here? You hate us. If he made her the VP candidate, he'd end up face down in a ditch in under a month like that Foster guy you buried during your Whitewater scandal.
BILL - I wanna be in the White House with you too hotness. You make me want to put a lamp shade on my head and butter myself all over.
HILLARY - Come on Bill, we're trying to bring them to our side here, be more subtle (turning)... OH GOD BILL PUT YOUR PANTS ON!!
BILL - Giggity giggity! Alright!
JOHN - Seriously now, I need some straight talk and some mavericking... who are the potentials? How about one of those guys who lost to me?
CINDY - Well, there's Romney... but his first name is Mitt which is a piece of baseball equipment and he's a Mormon so he believes that after Jesus resurrected, He came to the US to speak to the Native Americans because they are the true tribes of Israel.
ROBERTA - You can't sell a Mormon to the evangelicals, they'll eat you alive. Speaking of eating, where's my pudding dammit?! John, what did I tell you about eating my pudding!? YOU'RE GROUNDED!
JOHN - Gee whiz ma, I was hungry. You know I can't chew anymore and even if Cindy cuts my food for me, meats make me gassy at my age.
ROBERTA - SILENCE! Don't talk back to your mama!
JOHN - Yes ma'am.
CINDY - There's also Huckabee but he made that quote that everyone twisted around to make it sound like he doesn't believe in evolution... And there's Ron Paul but he's a little crazy.
JOHN - Yeah, and he looks too much like that guy Do* from Heaven's Gate, that creeps me out.
*(pronounced like Doe a dear, a female dear..) - don't believe me? Just look at these pics...
DO - http://www.tvsa.co.za/mastershowimages/1463_heavens_gate_468.jpg
RON PAUL - http://weblogs.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/politics/blog/Ron_Paul_Photo_4.jpg
JOHN - Seriously, that mental patient convinced a whole group of people that God was surfing on the wake of a spaceship that was hiding behind a comet and was coming to save them, further convince that group to commit suicide by drinking Vodka laced with phenobarbital, and FURTHER convinced that group to do it while wearing black-and-white Nike "Cortez" sneakers... I'm most appalled at the sneakers - I wouldn't be caught dead wearing Nike Cortez!
CINDY - There's also Guilliani. He was popular and would have beat you except for the fact that he didn't start campaigning until the campaign was pretty much over.
JOHN - No, I'm already in the center and the evangelicals already don't like me very much. He's even more centrist than I am, the evangelicals would never leave their trailers to vote for us.
CINDY - Ok, none of those guys will work. Maybe we are looking at this the wrong way. Let's think about what complaints people have about you and try to fill those gaps - you know, the same way Obama picked Biden.
ROBERTA - You're old!
JOHN - Ok, let's pick somebody young.
BILL - You're ugly!
JOHN - Screw you playboy! Fine, let's pick someone who looks nice on camera too.
CHENEY - He's too far to the center for evangelicals to vote for him.
BUSH - You're too far to the center for evangelicals to vote for him, er, you.
JOHN - I thought you had a Halliburton meeting to go to? Ok, find someone as far to the right as you can. Someone who doesn't even make exceptions for abortion when a woman gets pregnant by her own daddy.
HILLARY - You've been in Washington for 26 years. Democrats could use that to say you've become part of the establishment and they want someone new like Obama who has been a Senator for all of 30 minutes.
JOHN - Ok, no one from Washington.
CINDY - Our side likes to bring attention to the fact that Obama has so little experience. Maybe we can find someone who makes that an issue too.
JOHN - Good thinking, hotness! Find someone who will get all the same complaints he gets. When they talk about my running mate's flaws, they will have to talk about his flaws and I can always point out that my running mate is in the passenger seat but HE is in the driver's seat! BRILLIANT AND HOT! Wow, that would turn me on if there was anything left to turn on! What other things do they criticize him for?
BILL - Well, he's inexperienced, as hotness said. He's not a centrist like most Americans are. He doesn't know much about foreign relations. He doesn't know the intricacies of military...
JOHN - Mom, buzz for the nurse please, I want more strawberry Jell-O. Ok, so let's pick someone who...
ROBERTA - DON'T TALK TO ME! I TOLD YOU, YOU ARE GROUNDED YOUNG MAN!
JOHN - Gee whiz ma. Ok, so let's see if we can put all this together. We need someone who is: young to counter my age; attractive to counter Obama's looks; not from Washington to counter my 26 years there; not an oil industry sellout to distance myself from comparisons to W and Dicky; not a Mormon like Mitt; not a psycho like Ron Paul; super conservative to get the evangelicals out of their trailers and into the voting booth so not Guiliani either. Also it has to be someone who: is inexperienced to highlight Obama's inexperience; doesn't know foreign relations; doesn't understand the military; is a minority like Obama is to get people excited about making history... hmm, maybe even a woman to win over some of your pissed off supporters Hillary.
HILLARY - WHAT?! You're going to put another woman in the White House before me you bastard?! I'll kill you father time! I'm running again in 2012 so you have to win and you CAN'T put a woman in there before me!
JOHN - Look, Hillary, if I don't win, then you can't run until at least 2016 when you will be 69. They call me old at 72 but I've aged better than you. You won't get elected as a 69 year old woman so whatever I have to do to get elected is in your best interest.
HILLARY - FINE! BE THAT WAY!
BILL - I really do want to get back in the White House in 2012 with some nice interns.
HILLARY - Shut up pervert. (turning) DAMMIT I SAID PUT YOUR PANTS ON BILL!
CINDY - EW! NO, I DON’T WANT TO TOUCH IT! GROSS, WHY’S IT ALL CROOKED?! GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME YOU SICKO!
BILL – Giggity giggity, alright!
JOHN - How in the world are we ever going to find one person who fits all those criteria? There can't possibly be one person with all those extreme qualities.
CHENEY - Say Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska fits perfectly. I just googled it.
BUSH - Say Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska fits perfectly. Er, I mean, ahem... Say, Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska fits perfectly. Bring her up on Google and check it out.
JOHN - Wow, she's cute. And look she's only 44 years old. Never been to Washington, heck may never have left the state, she doesn't even have a passport! She’s challenged the oil companies getting’ all Mavericky with them! She’s not Mormon! She’s not psycho!
BILL – Hahaha, that’s cute. Obviously you’ve never met her.
JOHN – She’s super conservative! She’s inexperienced! She doesn’t understand foreign policy – I still can’t believe she doesn’t have a passport! She doesn’t understand military matters! And American’s can make history by putting a woman in the White House rather than by putting an African-American in there! SHE’S PERFECT!!
CHENEY – Don’t tell them about how dim she is, they don’t know!
BUSH – Oh yeah, that’s right, she isn’t so bright. Heck, it takes one to know one, and I would definitely know!
JOHN – What’s that you say?
BUSH – Well, I don’t want to say she’s dumb so as not to bring more attention to my own inter-lectual short… short… shortnessisms. But, well…
CHENEY – SHUT UP!
BUSH – SHUT UP!
JOHN – What? Who are you talking to? Where did that come from?
BUSH – Oh nothing. Yeah, let’s get Ms. Alaska on the phone.
BILL – Ooooooooooooooooh man, look at that picture! Ok, I gotta go get more butter. Bye all!
END WITH BLACK SCREEN WITH AN OVAL, SQUIGGLY BORDER AND THE WORDS “THE END” IN THE CENTER JUST LIKE OLD CHARLY CHAPLIN FILMS THEY USED TO MAKE WHEN JOHN WAS JUST A PUP IN HIS MID FORTIES!
DATE - Thursday, August 28, 2008
LOCATION - One of McCain's 7, no wait only 5... no... 7, yes, yes, definitely 7 houses.
Can you imagine how often he must lose his keys with so many to keep track
of?
CAST
JOHN McCAIN - The only Republican Nominee this year who was so plain that no one had
any real complaints about him. He's not Mormon, he's not a Baptist
Minister who made a statement that could be twisted into "he doesn't
believe in evolution!" he's not as radical and apparently psychotic as
Ron Paul, and he started his campaign before the nomination was already
decided (way to eliminate yourself from the running Mayor Guiliani! Well
done!).
CINDY HENSLEY McCAIN - Or as John calls her, The Hotness or Her Hotness or Your
Hotness.. depending on who he is addressing and in what
context.... and depending on whether he is still awake at the
moment.
ROBERTA McCAIN - John McCain's mother who is still spry at the tender age of 96. Come
on now, with a family history like that, there's no chance he will die
in office when he's ONLY 72 now.
GEORGE W. BUSH - "The Professor of Strategery"
DICK CHENEY - "The Puppet Master." He WOULD have been there except that he had to be in
a nearby surveillance van to feed Georgy boy his lines and help him
control his bowels. He attended by earpiece.
HILLARY CLINTON - Glad to see she's been as supportive of Obama as she said she'd be.
What a trooper.
BILL CLINTON - The man who started the Clinton Initiative. Contrary to rumor, that is
NOT about trying to score a different intern in every country on earth.
JOHN McCAIN - So what should we do here? Who should I pick as a running mate? That Barack is so pretty and popular, and I'm so... not. How do we counter that?
CINDY - Oh baby, you're handsome, you're popular, don't get so down on yourself. We have to keep reminding people that you're a hero and take their focus away from how decrepit you are. Here honey, use a tissue and dust yourself off, you're getting cobwebs again.
ROBERTA - Where's my pudding? John, did you eat all my pudding again?! And stop finishing the Metamucil, I need that or I get backed up like the Cross Bronx on a 3-day weekend!
CHENEY (whispering in Georgy's earpiece) - Tell them to choose me as the VP. Hopefully he'll do a better job of dying in office than you did and I can officially make this the United States of Halliburton!
BUSH - You want me to die in office?
CHENEY - You idiot! I told you not to talk to me directly when I'm feeding you lines!
BUSH - Oh right... hey John, why don't you use my VP, old Dicky. He's got the experience and he would make you look younger!
JOHN - Oh please, like I need to be called GWB II yet again. Isn't your approval rating down to single digits these days? Shouldn't you be asking Cheney how to make Halliburton more money? I want to be as far away from you as possible. I'm NOT taking Cheney as my Vice, he's liable to try to kill me in office anyway!
CHENEY - BLASPHEMY!
BUSH - BLASPHEMY!... But yeah, my boss says I gotta go now, we have a Halliburton board meeting soon.
HILLARY - Listen crypt keeper, you BETTER win this election so I can run for President again in 2012! I already have offices set up for the campaign and I can't run against an incumbent Obama! DON'T SCREW THIS UP POPS!
BILL - Hey, maybe you should select Hillary as your running mate. If you get me and Hillary behind you, you'll win by a landslide. All her supporters are bitter and pissed off at Barack... and besides, I want back in the White House for some new interns.
CINDY - Why are you even here? You hate us. If he made her the VP candidate, he'd end up face down in a ditch in under a month like that Foster guy you buried during your Whitewater scandal.
BILL - I wanna be in the White House with you too hotness. You make me want to put a lamp shade on my head and butter myself all over.
HILLARY - Come on Bill, we're trying to bring them to our side here, be more subtle (turning)... OH GOD BILL PUT YOUR PANTS ON!!
BILL - Giggity giggity! Alright!
JOHN - Seriously now, I need some straight talk and some mavericking... who are the potentials? How about one of those guys who lost to me?
CINDY - Well, there's Romney... but his first name is Mitt which is a piece of baseball equipment and he's a Mormon so he believes that after Jesus resurrected, He came to the US to speak to the Native Americans because they are the true tribes of Israel.
ROBERTA - You can't sell a Mormon to the evangelicals, they'll eat you alive. Speaking of eating, where's my pudding dammit?! John, what did I tell you about eating my pudding!? YOU'RE GROUNDED!
JOHN - Gee whiz ma, I was hungry. You know I can't chew anymore and even if Cindy cuts my food for me, meats make me gassy at my age.
ROBERTA - SILENCE! Don't talk back to your mama!
JOHN - Yes ma'am.
CINDY - There's also Huckabee but he made that quote that everyone twisted around to make it sound like he doesn't believe in evolution... And there's Ron Paul but he's a little crazy.
JOHN - Yeah, and he looks too much like that guy Do* from Heaven's Gate, that creeps me out.
*(pronounced like Doe a dear, a female dear..) - don't believe me? Just look at these pics...
DO - http://www.tvsa.co.za/mastershowimages/1463_heavens_gate_468.jpg
RON PAUL - http://weblogs.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/politics/blog/Ron_Paul_Photo_4.jpg
JOHN - Seriously, that mental patient convinced a whole group of people that God was surfing on the wake of a spaceship that was hiding behind a comet and was coming to save them, further convince that group to commit suicide by drinking Vodka laced with phenobarbital, and FURTHER convinced that group to do it while wearing black-and-white Nike "Cortez" sneakers... I'm most appalled at the sneakers - I wouldn't be caught dead wearing Nike Cortez!
CINDY - There's also Guilliani. He was popular and would have beat you except for the fact that he didn't start campaigning until the campaign was pretty much over.
JOHN - No, I'm already in the center and the evangelicals already don't like me very much. He's even more centrist than I am, the evangelicals would never leave their trailers to vote for us.
CINDY - Ok, none of those guys will work. Maybe we are looking at this the wrong way. Let's think about what complaints people have about you and try to fill those gaps - you know, the same way Obama picked Biden.
ROBERTA - You're old!
JOHN - Ok, let's pick somebody young.
BILL - You're ugly!
JOHN - Screw you playboy! Fine, let's pick someone who looks nice on camera too.
CHENEY - He's too far to the center for evangelicals to vote for him.
BUSH - You're too far to the center for evangelicals to vote for him, er, you.
JOHN - I thought you had a Halliburton meeting to go to? Ok, find someone as far to the right as you can. Someone who doesn't even make exceptions for abortion when a woman gets pregnant by her own daddy.
HILLARY - You've been in Washington for 26 years. Democrats could use that to say you've become part of the establishment and they want someone new like Obama who has been a Senator for all of 30 minutes.
JOHN - Ok, no one from Washington.
CINDY - Our side likes to bring attention to the fact that Obama has so little experience. Maybe we can find someone who makes that an issue too.
JOHN - Good thinking, hotness! Find someone who will get all the same complaints he gets. When they talk about my running mate's flaws, they will have to talk about his flaws and I can always point out that my running mate is in the passenger seat but HE is in the driver's seat! BRILLIANT AND HOT! Wow, that would turn me on if there was anything left to turn on! What other things do they criticize him for?
BILL - Well, he's inexperienced, as hotness said. He's not a centrist like most Americans are. He doesn't know much about foreign relations. He doesn't know the intricacies of military...
JOHN - Mom, buzz for the nurse please, I want more strawberry Jell-O. Ok, so let's pick someone who...
ROBERTA - DON'T TALK TO ME! I TOLD YOU, YOU ARE GROUNDED YOUNG MAN!
JOHN - Gee whiz ma. Ok, so let's see if we can put all this together. We need someone who is: young to counter my age; attractive to counter Obama's looks; not from Washington to counter my 26 years there; not an oil industry sellout to distance myself from comparisons to W and Dicky; not a Mormon like Mitt; not a psycho like Ron Paul; super conservative to get the evangelicals out of their trailers and into the voting booth so not Guiliani either. Also it has to be someone who: is inexperienced to highlight Obama's inexperience; doesn't know foreign relations; doesn't understand the military; is a minority like Obama is to get people excited about making history... hmm, maybe even a woman to win over some of your pissed off supporters Hillary.
HILLARY - WHAT?! You're going to put another woman in the White House before me you bastard?! I'll kill you father time! I'm running again in 2012 so you have to win and you CAN'T put a woman in there before me!
JOHN - Look, Hillary, if I don't win, then you can't run until at least 2016 when you will be 69. They call me old at 72 but I've aged better than you. You won't get elected as a 69 year old woman so whatever I have to do to get elected is in your best interest.
HILLARY - FINE! BE THAT WAY!
BILL - I really do want to get back in the White House in 2012 with some nice interns.
HILLARY - Shut up pervert. (turning) DAMMIT I SAID PUT YOUR PANTS ON BILL!
CINDY - EW! NO, I DON’T WANT TO TOUCH IT! GROSS, WHY’S IT ALL CROOKED?! GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME YOU SICKO!
BILL – Giggity giggity, alright!
JOHN - How in the world are we ever going to find one person who fits all those criteria? There can't possibly be one person with all those extreme qualities.
CHENEY - Say Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska fits perfectly. I just googled it.
BUSH - Say Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska fits perfectly. Er, I mean, ahem... Say, Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska fits perfectly. Bring her up on Google and check it out.
JOHN - Wow, she's cute. And look she's only 44 years old. Never been to Washington, heck may never have left the state, she doesn't even have a passport! She’s challenged the oil companies getting’ all Mavericky with them! She’s not Mormon! She’s not psycho!
BILL – Hahaha, that’s cute. Obviously you’ve never met her.
JOHN – She’s super conservative! She’s inexperienced! She doesn’t understand foreign policy – I still can’t believe she doesn’t have a passport! She doesn’t understand military matters! And American’s can make history by putting a woman in the White House rather than by putting an African-American in there! SHE’S PERFECT!!
CHENEY – Don’t tell them about how dim she is, they don’t know!
BUSH – Oh yeah, that’s right, she isn’t so bright. Heck, it takes one to know one, and I would definitely know!
JOHN – What’s that you say?
BUSH – Well, I don’t want to say she’s dumb so as not to bring more attention to my own inter-lectual short… short… shortnessisms. But, well…
CHENEY – SHUT UP!
BUSH – SHUT UP!
JOHN – What? Who are you talking to? Where did that come from?
BUSH – Oh nothing. Yeah, let’s get Ms. Alaska on the phone.
BILL – Ooooooooooooooooh man, look at that picture! Ok, I gotta go get more butter. Bye all!
END WITH BLACK SCREEN WITH AN OVAL, SQUIGGLY BORDER AND THE WORDS “THE END” IN THE CENTER JUST LIKE OLD CHARLY CHAPLIN FILMS THEY USED TO MAKE WHEN JOHN WAS JUST A PUP IN HIS MID FORTIES!
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